From the Journal of Janel..

Dear God,

I'm gonna write this like you don't already know. And thoughts that don't line up neatly might make a little more sense on this screen.

I know we don't talk much these days. You're mostly ignored, saved for some unguarded moments right before sleep. I've been busy dodging your calls and looking for hurdles to put in your path. But thoughts of you still slip in quietly, like when traffic surprisingly opens or gets out of my way. And you came back to mind in the middle of a movie today.

I don't have big reasons like war or the poor to stubbornly push you away. I didn't lose someone close to me, or blame you for any wrong doings in my life. If we all sat and counted our hardships mine wouldn't stack up that tall. And that says more than a little about how easy I find it to fall. I've just got me and my everyday problems, and they don't even hold up that well. So I don't understand why I don't boomerang back to your side. Even when my head's alright with the thought, my heart is just shrugging and not really up for the ride.

Most of the folks that I love in this world have you in common. And if not for your church then we'd never have met. So when they ask how I'm doing it feels like I'm betraying some confidence. I used to sing songs with my hands held up high, but these days it's like scheduling time for the dentist. For the life of me I can't find one good reason to have lost trust in you. But that's how it is, and I was hoping we could do something about that.

I miss the looking forward to you. With all these feelings of falling and changing, I miss the gravity of you.

Janel

What is Master's Commission?

Master's Commission is a training program created for young adults to provide a stimulating learning environment for developing personal disciplines, moral character and leadership qualities. Our training program is divided into three primary modules giving interns valuable real-time learning experiences.

Personal Development - Learning the basics of personal disciplines and practical life skills reflecting high moral character and ethical values. Interns have purposed to invest up to two years of their lives for hands-on leadership training where they realize the lasting values and benefits of hard work, integrity and self discipline.

Service to the Community - Practical services within the local community, including public schools, churches, social service agencies, shelters for the homeless, after-school programs, safe-houses for former street children, and orphanages.

Global Compassion - Compassion and service with a global focus. Through collaborative partnerships with local social projects and churches, our interns learn what goes on behind the scenes. Through on-site experiences, our interns develop a global perspective on relieving world needs.

Waiting

What is ever the point of waiting? What good does waiting ever do? Growing up in a day and age where waiting for anything is simply not acceptable, has handicapped me. Heaven forbid, that you have to wait for longer than 2 minutes in the mcdonalds drive thru. If you want something, go get it. Isn't that what society has taught us? If you have to wait, take your service somewhere else. I remember too fondly, getting up and walking out of a restaurant with my friends family, when the food took too long to get to us. Embarrassed, I promised myself that I would have more patience in life.
Well, here is God testing that patience. How much patience do I truly have? Waiting for your visa is not an easy thing. It gets frustrating, having to tell people day after day, that you still do not know when your visa will come.
It is in these times, that I have to cry out to my Father. When I have to lean on Him for strength. I know, that this is a time of preparing me for what lies ahead. Im in a blindspot, walking through the wilderness. But, just as God allowed the devil to tempt Jesus when He was in the wilderness, so He is allowing him to tempt me. But, just as Jesus did not give into temptation, neither will I.

Cutting my leg off.

" When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood; wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!"

Isaiah 1:15-17

You cannot slowly stop doing something, or break a habit little by little. You have to make the decision right then and there, to completely stop doing it. "Stop doing wrong, learn to do right."

At the Junior High summer camp, this past summer, the speaker told us a story I will never forget. It was about a man who got bit by a posionous snake. The snake bit him in the arm, and he was too far away from a hospital to get there in time. He knew that the poison was going to spread and kill him, so he cut his arm off. He knew that in order to survive, he was going to have to do this. Because the poison had not spread yet, he lived.

When you have a bad habit, you have to completely cut it off. You cannot just say that you are going to stop doing it little by little. It doesn't work that way. One bad habit leads to death. If you do not stop, it will spread and end up spiritually killing you. So you have to make the decision to stop doing it right then and there, one clean cut. To say that you are going to stop doing something little by little is like slowly cutting your arm off with a butter knife. Its alot harder, messier, and painful.

September 05, 2008....Janel cut her arm off!

I'm moving to Brasil.

and I can't wait.